this ‘mom’ thing

This whole ‘mom’ thing, it’s not so bad. That sounds horrible. But sometimes that’s exactly how I’ve felt….Like I’m a horrible mom, especially in that first year.

But then there are days like today, where everything just seems to click. Days like today, where I feel like I’m Zane’s mom, and he loves me no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still not easy. He’s a mischievous little boy. Some days are very trying, but oh, so worth it.

The first year of Zane’s life was hard, to say the least. I’m not blaming him. He’s more or less a guinea pig, after all.  A little lab rat that Matt and I are using to learn how to be parents. But lately, Zane has been great.

Yesterday morning he did something that sealed the deal—we WILL be keeping him forever! Ha!  I was about to leave for work, and, as our routine goes, I told him, “Mama’s gotta go to work now. You be a sweet boy.” I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him on the top of the head. He reached his little chubby hand up, grabbed my collar, pulled me down to him, and gave me a real life kiss on the lips. Complete with the “smack” noise. Be still, my heart! As if it isn’t hard enough to leave for work, he goes and does something so incredibly sweet that I have to just peel myself off of him.

 Zane is jabbering all the time. Sometimes when he jabbers, he makes duck lips (see pic above). I’m pretty sure he speak German. Too bad that I don’t.  But he has his own ways of telling me what he wants. 

On my days off, our morning routine usually starts with me bringing Zane, his sippy cup of milk, and his blankie into my room. We He watches Mickey Mouse Club House and drinks his milk. I rest my eyes for a few more minutes and snuggle with him. At some point he sits up, looks at me, and makes a smacking noise with his mouth. That’s his way of saying “Breakfast!”. When he finishes breakfast, he puts both hands up in the air, which means “All Done!” (I can also tell he’s finished when he quits eating the Cheerios and starts casually dropping them onto the floor and saying, “Lola”.)

Just a few minutes ago…after he had been up for about 3 1/2 hours, he came running up to me and threw his arms around my neck. He laid his little head on my shoulder. I gave him his blankie and he made this sweet little noise, like “awww”, and snuggled his face into the blankie. That was his way of letting me know that he was ready for a nap. Man, does that feel good! Finally having a child that appreciates a little sleep! Hallelujah! To be able to lay him down, close the door, and hear sweet humming noises instead of screaming feels A.Maz.Ing. That’s when I pat myself on the back and think, “You’ve got this, Girl”. 

Now, off to access the damage to the couch where Z may or may not have spilled a bottle of bleach/water, aka puppy accident cleaner upper, onto the cushions. Oh, this ‘mom’ thing….never a dull moment. :)